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Rock climbing Jokes:
- "If climbers used the word 'beta' the way most
software houses do, we'd all be dead."
- "Boulder /n./ place close to the ground to practice
falling. When climbers aren't climbing, they like to sharpen
their skills by bouldering on large rocks located in places
frequented by impressionable tourists. Because bouldering is
done without protection, the rule is never to climb higher than
you'd like to fall. That is why so many climbers stand around
discussing boulder problems instead of climbing them."
- "Q: How is mountain climbing like receiving oral sex
from Whoopi Goldberg ?
A: You should never ever look down !"
Rock climbing Quotes:
- "I think you love rocks so much that they've replaced your
brain." — Rex Pieper.
- "I love climbing because it feels so good when I stop..."
— Karl 'we're all nuts' Baba.
- "It's all fun and oneness with nature until you realize you
can't have diarrhea and vomit at the same time without an extra
bucket." — Nate B.
- "The best climber in the world is the one who's having the
most fun." — Alex Lowe.
- "I've climbed with some of the best climbers in the world,
more importantly, to me, they are some of the best people in the
world. That's another reason why I climb." — Jim
Wickwire.
- "Climbing may be hard, but it's easier than growing up." — Ed
Sklar.
- "To qualify for mountain rescue work, you have to pass our
test. The doctor holds a flashlight to your ear. If he can see
light coming out the other one, you qualify." — Willi
Pfisterer.
- "Why ? Why, why, why do I do this ???" — Chuck
Pratt.
- "Climbing would be a great, truly wonderful thing if it
weren't for all that damn climbing." — John Ohrenschall.
- "You can't be here: it's public land !" — A
snowplow driver at the base of Lincoln Falls (Colorado).
- "No one is completely useless — They can always serve as a
bad example." — Anonymous.
- "The difference between climbers and normal workers is that
climbers are glad of the Mondays, so they can rest."
-Guillaume Dargaud.
- "Sometimes I'm soloing and then someone calls me 'bro' or
tells me to 'go big' and suddenly i'm bouldering." — Tico.
- "To be a full-fledged boulderer, you need to be able to do
two things: climb way harder than I can, and shout 'You got
it, dude !' with convincing enthusiasm every time someone
leaves the ground, continuing until their return." — Dawn
Alguard.
Mountain Biking Quotes:
- "The
problem with these steep down-hills is that brakes are of no use when you
are airborne"
- "Ho-ly-shit!" Brian after his first MTB
ride with us.
- "I can't brake a leg! I could loose my
job!" Suzy after a crash that broke a tree in half!
- "Triple espressos make you go faster
because it jams your ability to think logically"
- "Well, you go as fast as you can, for as
long as you can, and you try to stay alive in the process;
that's what its about". Eric.
Engineer Jokes:
Understanding Engineers - Take One
Two engineering students were crossing the campus when one said,
"Where did you get such a great bike?" The second engineer replied,
"Well, I was walking along yesterday minding my own business when a
beautiful woman rode up on this bike. She threw the bike to the
ground, took off all her clothes and said, "Take what you want."
The first engineer nodded approvingly, "Good choice; the clothes
probably wouldn't have fit."
Understanding Engineers - Take Two
To the optimist, the glass is half full. To the pessimist, the
glass is half-empty. To the engineer, the glass is twice as big as
it needs to be.
Understanding Engineers - Take Three
A pastor, a doctor and an engineer were waiting one morning for a
particularly slow group of golfers. The engineer fumed, "What's
with these guys? We must have been waiting for 15 minutes!" The
doctor chimed in, "I don't know, but I've never seen such
ineptitude!" The pastor said, "Hey, here comes the greens keeper.
Let's have a word with him." "Hi George! Say, what's with that
group ahead of us? They're rather slow, aren't they?"
The greens keeper replied, "Oh, yes, that's a group of blind
firefighters. They lost their sight saving our clubhouse
from a fire last year, so we always let them play for free
anytime." The group was silent for a moment. The pastor said,
"That's so sad. I think I will say a special prayer for them
tonight." The doctor said, "Good idea. And I'm going to contact my
ophthalmologist buddy and see if there's anything he can do for
them." The engineer said, "Why can't these guys play at night?"
Understanding Engineers - Take Four
What is the difference between Mechanical Engineers and Civil
Engineers? Mechanical Engineers build weapons and Civil Engineers
build targets.
Understanding Engineers - Take Five
The graduate with a Science degree asks, "Why does it work?" The
graduate with an Engineering degree asks, "How does it work?" The
graduate with an Accounting degree asks, "How
much will it cost?" The graduate with an Arts degree asks, "Do you
want fries with that?"
Understanding Engineers - Take Six
Three engineering students were gathered together discussing the
possible designers of the human body. One said, "It was a
mechanical engineer." Just look at all the joints." Another said,
"No, it was an electrical engineer. The nervous system has many
thousands of electrical connections." The last one said, "Actually
it was a civil engineer. Who else would run a toxic waste pipeline
through a recreational area?"
Understanding Engineers - Take Seven
"Normal people believe that if it ain't broke, don't fix it."
Engineers believe that "if it ain't broke, it doesn't have enough
features yet"
Understanding Engineers - Take Eight
An architect, an artist and an engineer were discussing whether it
was better to spend time with the wife or a mistress. The architect
said he enjoyed time with his wife, building a solid foundation for
an enduring relationship. The artist said he enjoyed time with his
mistress, because the passion and mystery he found there. The
engineer said, "I like both." "Both?" "Yeah. If you have a wife and
a mistress, they will each assume you are spending time with the
other woman, and you can go to the lab and get some work done."
Understanding Engineers - Take Nine
An engineer
was crossing a road one-day when a frog called out to him and said,
"If you kiss me, I'll turn into a beautiful princess." He bent
over, picked up the frog and put it in his pocket. The frog spoke
up again and said, "If you kiss me and turn me back into a
beautiful princess, I will stay with you for one week." The
engineer took the frog out of his pocket, smiled at it and returned
it to the pocket. The frog then cried out, "If you kiss me and turn
me back into a princess, I'll stay with you and do ANYTHING you
want." Again the engineer took the frog out, smiled at it and put
it back into his pocket. Finally, the frog asked, "What is the
matter? I've told you I'm a beautiful princess, and that I'll stay
with you for a week and do anything you want. Why won't you kiss
me?" The engineer said, "Look, I'm an engineer. I don't have time
for a girlfriend, but a talking frog, now that's cool.
Assorted Funny Pictures:
Some people are just dumb!: For those who
believe in God, here is proof that Darwin was right: Natural
selection at work:
Oops!
I love cats:
Its difficult being a kitten sometimes:
This is Brian in 2010
after he finally realized that beer is real food
for real men, and broccoli is only for feeding rabbits and cows, and
tofu tastes like s__t, and yoga is pointless self-inflicted pain:
Lets finish with a prayer:
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